In preparation for the M.C.A.S. Long Composition, we are working on adding vivid detail and expressive language to our writing. The following are four writing pieces entered into our M.C.A.S. "20" Club (judged by Mrs. Lowry)
(20 is a perfect score on the M.C.A.S.)
Feed the Need
By Sarah Ashley
It was pitch black. My dad shook me awake. I quickly jumped out of bed and looked at the clock. It was 4 A.M. I quickly dressed and ran downstairs. Today, I was going to run a race. My mom was making breakfast. It smelt like pancakes. When she saw me, she said, “Are you ready, Freddy?”
I said, “Ya, when do we leave?”
She looked at the clock and said. “In about 30 minutes.” When it was time to leave, we all got in the car. On our way there, my mom said, “You have to help me set up, okay?”
I said, “Yes, mam,” in a small little voice. She laughed. She was in charge of the whole race. But little did I know that my family was going to feed hundreds of people.
When we got to the race, I jumped out of the car and headed to the building. My mom yelled to me and said, “Aren’t you forgetting something?” She pulled out a bag filled with canned food.
I said, “What are these for?”
She said, “For your entry fee.” I had no idea there was an entry fee. I was shocked. I rapidly ran back to the car to get the cans. When I got to the car, I grabbed the cans and looked inside. There were five cans of corn, two cans of tomato sauce, and four cans of green beans. The bag was really heavy. When I got to the building, I looked around. The building was made of rough bricks surrounded by spiky trees with gleaming silver string twirled around them. It was very pretty. When I was done looking, I stepped inside. I dropped off my cans in a big box that said in bold letters- Can Drop Off. Then, I headed to the registration booth.
When I got to the stand, one of my mom’s friends was there, I said to her in a very polite voice, “May I have my number, please?”
She gave me my number and said, “Aren’t you a little young to run a race?” Then she laughed merrily. I got really mad even though I knew she was joking. When I got my number, I went to help my mom set up. I helped my mom with many things like the food room and the game stands. It was hard work, but I didn’t care. I was going to run a race!
In about an hour, people crowded into the main hall. Then, a squeaky little voice came from the loudspeaker. It said, “We will start the race in ten minutes. After ten long minutes passed, we all squished together along the starting line.
Then a man yelled, “We will now hear the “National Anthem”. Then, a pretty girl stepped out of the crowd. She was wearing tight running pants and a black shirt. She stepped on a big, gray boulder and sang the song. Then, she got back in line. Then, the race began. I shot off like lightening. I could feel my heart racing as I ran in the misty morning.
Suddenly, I realized that my mom was having a hard time keeping up. I quickly stopped right in my tracks. When she caught up, I could see sweat trickling down her face. Then she said, “Slow down, Girl! I can’t run as fast as you” Then, I started to run at my mom’s slow pace. About a mile later, I saw a gigantic rock. I wanted so badly to climb it. As I looked at the steep, slippery rock, my mom said, “Are we gonna run or not?” I took one last glimpse of the rock and started running again. In about five minutes, I could see the finish line. My heart nearly jumped out of my chest. I was overjoyed! I had finished the race.
I ran to my dad who was waiting for me and hugged him. Then, my family and I all walked to the announcement room and waited. After awhile, it was time for announcements. Avery tall man stepped up to the microphone and said, “I’m glad to announce that we have raised 3,829 cans of food to give to food pantries. I had no idea that the cans of food were going to be donated to food pantries. I was glad.
Next came the announcements of the winners. The medals were given out by age group so lots of people got medals, but the real winners got two medals to be fair to all. For awhile, I played and ran around, but when it came to my age group, I sat still listening. The man said, “1st place goes to Mary Landreth.” Then, people started clapping. “2nd place goes to Sarah Ashley.” I couldn’t believe my ears! I walked up to the stand. I was nervous and a little shy. The man placed the medal on my neck. Then, I quickly ran back to my seat. When I sat down, I picked up my medal, and then I felt something on the back of it. I turned it around and there was an inscription on it that said, “I fed the need”. I felt proud and happy.
I thought, “Next year, I’ll do this again,” and that’s just what I did!
My Sleepover
By Natalie O’Brien
Buzz! Buzz! I was buzzing into my grandma’s tall apartment building for a sleepover!
“Hello?”
“Hi, Grandma, it’s me, Nattie,” I said.
“Oh spectacular, hold on,” she said. In a blink of an eye, the big, glass doors opened with a loud Zap! Then I walked right to the old elevators. As I walked into the elevator, I thought how happy my grandma would be to see me. When I arrived at the familiar door, I was about to knock when my grandma opened the door and said, “Ready for a great sleepover?”
Yes, I am!” I said. Then I walked into the small and cozy bedroom to put my things down. When I walked out of the room, I walked over to the corner to see if there were any new board games. To my surprise, there was! Disney’s Wheel of Fortune was sitting in front of my glistening and joyful eyes. I quickly picked up the board game and dashed over to my grandma and asked if we could play the game. She said, “Yes”, so we started to set up the game! After setting up the game we started to play.
Click! Click! My grandma was spinning the spinner to see how much “funny money” she could play for. After that we played a couple of more games until I blurted out, “I’m hungry!”
“Okay, how about you clean this up, and I will see what we have to eat. We have some pizza dough,” my grandma said.
“Okay,” I said. Then I started getting everything we needed. Cling! Cling! Crash! While trying to get the wooden rolling pins, some of the things fell out of the stuffed cabinet. First, we rolled the sticky flour covered pizza dough into a large circle. Next, I got the chunky, red tomatoes, mashed them up, and made homemade tomato sauce. Then, we spread the sauce, and my grandma got the bag full of mozzarella cheese and covered the awkward looking pizza with it. Finally, we put it in the oven. Later, when the pizza was done, I sprinted over to the oven to get it out. When it was done cooling, I got the first piece. It was so good that it was beyond spectacular!
Eating all that pizza made me very tired, so I asked my grandma if we could go to bed. She said she was tired too! So I went and got my purple polka dot pj’s and crawled into bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I fell asleep.
The next day, I woke up to the smell of pancakes! I got up and dressed just in time for the pancakes! Sadly, after that I had to go. My mom called and said that she was down in the parking lot, so I said my loving goodbyes and went down to the car. On my way home, I was telling my mom about all of the fun things I did at the sleepover!
The Sleepover
By Emma Ryan
Buzz! Buzz! I rang Brielle’s clean as a whistle buzzer. We were having a sleepover. As quick as a wink, Brielle opened the creaky, bland, white door, and I stepped into the gray marble hallway. “Hi, Brielle,” I said with excitement.
“Hi, Emma,” Brielle joyfully replied. Brielle and I walked into Brielle’s house.
“You can take your shoes off,” Brielle said while taking off hers.
“Okay,” I replied back, slipping off my hot pink flip flops. “Hi, Mrs. Browne.” I said in a sweet voice.
“Hello, Emma,” Mrs. Browne replied, with a grin.
Then, Brielle and I cart wheeled over to the WII game, giggling (all the way). We started to play strange Sims 3. I clicked on an unemployed guy named Ben Jackson, and the people started to talk. My person, who was a guy, leaped into a girl named Emma Morris Boney Arm. As we were about to turn off the twinkling, white WII, Brielle’s mom asked, panting, “Who wants to go to delicious Schooners?”
“Why is your mom panting?” I asked Brielle with a confused look in my changeable hazel eyes?
“Oh, she was at the gym,” Brielle said, while turning of the gleaming, white WII.
“Brielle, let’s go!” Mrs. Browne said in a hurry.
“Coming, Mom!” Brielle said, while putting on her light black flip flops because it was a hot summer evening in June.
We started walking to Schooners. (description) (feeling sentence)
When we got to Schooners, I ordered a blue cheeseburger with way too much cheese, just the way I adore it. Brielle ordered a steamy hamburger, no cheese, because she’s allergic to dairy. And Mrs. Browne ordered a way too much feta salad the way Mrs. Browne and I both eat Greek salad.
“Why are we taking the food to go?” Brielle asked her mom, while scrunching her eyebrows.
“I have a surprise,” Brielle’s mom said.
“Fine,” Brielle said, while grunting. We walked back to the house and ate our delicious meals. Yummy!
The surprise was mint-chocolate chip milkshakes! We partied until a man with bright, red hair (knocked on the door to tell us….) He was tall, stiff, and skinny with sharp, sparky blue eyes. He said that ( ) and we had to stop.
It was 11:30, and I felt like hibernating for the rest of smokin’ hot June, so I put on my lime-green tank top, my hot pink shorts, and my snuggly, monkey flip flop slippers. Then, I climbed on Brielle’s steady, violet ladder and got on the top of the bunk beds. I pulled up the fluffy light-purple blanket and fell into a deep sleep. I was dreaming about me being older, living in Amsterdam, running the Anne Frank Foundation, and being an actress, but best of all, feeling free, not trapped.
I was as sleepy as a sloth when Brielle woke me up and said, “Emma, ya wanna go swimming?” she asked, widening her eyes like an owl. I looked over to Brielle’s clock, thinking it might be around 7ish, but no, it was 12:00!
“Are you crazy!” I said, while rubbing my “what should have been asleep” eyes.
“Please, Please, Please!” Brielle asked with the puppy dog face.
“Fine,” I said, and I put on my rainbow tankini and my hot pink flip flops as quick as Rajon Rondo (steals the ball or goes up for a lay up). Brielle and I tiptoed like mice to the pool. (why)
On our way to the pool, I said, “Brielle, please, let’s do a cannonball!”
“That’s a fantastic idea!” she replied back. We both raced like cheetahs (the rest of the way to the edge of the pool.) My feet gripped the hard cement on the edge of the clear, aqua, in-ground pool.
“On the count of THREE,” I said, with a smirk on my face. “1…2….3” and Brielle swung into the aqua pool with a big, fat splash! But where was I? Well, I guess you could say, Brielle was the only one who cannon balled into that heated aqua pool.
It was 1:00, and Brielle and I walked back to Brielle’s house while bumping into walls. I was so tired that I didn’t talk to Brielle (until the next morning) When I woke up, I threw on my clothes, woke up Brielle, and then we went for some breakfast at Toasts. We all got juicy M&M pancakes with hash browns and orange juice.
Brielle and I are best friends, and we had an awesome sleepover. I’ll never forget it. Thanks, Brielle!
The Sleepover
By Callula Hart
Knock! Knock! Knock! The brown wood door sprang open. Jessica cheerfully waved and opened the clear, shiny, glass door protecting the polished wood of the main door. I was getting goose bumps just standing out there, so I ran inside. Jessica quickly said, “I made a sleepover checklist.”
“Let’s go over it,” I said. “PJ’s, tomorrow’s clothes, and most of all bathing suit! Check, check, and CHECK!” I shouted. Ring! Ring! Ring! The noisy phone mysteriously rang. At last, Jessica’s mom picked up the old phone. We realized that the unprivate phone call was about me and Jessica going to see fireworks on her boat!
Vroom! Vroom! We heard the loud car engine roar like a jet plane starting up in the driveway. Then, we heard Jessica’s speedy parents zoom down the rigid stairs. Jessica’s Dad blurted out, “Do you want to go see fireworks on our boat?”
“Yes! Yes!” we shouted in our loudest voices. So we jumped into the 1950’s style T-bird convertible and drove off like the wind. When we finally got to the dock, we energetically walked to the motor boat as Jessica’s dad ran ahead and humorously said, “All aboard!”
“Life jackets on,” Jessica’s mom blurted.
“Where do we get them?” I curiously wondered.
“By the captain’s wheel,” Jessica’s dad ordered.
“Affirmative,” Jessica answered, standing up straight with her hand on her forehead like a soldier. Then, Jessica put her hand on her chin and said, “Hmmm….what size would you be?” she asked.
“Most likely medium,” I said. So Jessica and I sped upstairs and grabbed our lifejackets. My life jacket was blue with Hawaiian flowers overflowing the vest. Jessica’s life jacket was orange and pink with palm trees on it. We were still on the tilty dock, but we were still tied on to the boat harness. I was on the lower deck of the boat snacking on some Ritz Crackers when I heard Jessica yell, “Girl overboard!” So I peeked out the window and saw clumsy Jessica hanging off of the side of the boat!
“Dave!” I screamed to Jessica’s dad, “SAVE JESSICA!”
So Jessica’s dad acted like Superman and sprinted down the boat steps and clutched onto Jessica and said, “Are you okay?”
“Yep, I’m fine,” she replied.
“Good,” I said.
The sky light was fading, and the sky was turning into an orange, pink, purple, light-blue, and white wonder. It was 3:30 on the dot, and the fireworks would be starting at 5:00, so we had a bit to go. As we smoothly cruised towards the horizon, Jessica and I stood on the tip of the boat like in a scene of “Titanic”. Jessica’s parents romantically steered the boat. I started to get thirsty, so Jessica and I grabbed a Raspberry-lime Zazz out of the frozen cooler. We asked Jessica’s parents where the drink covers were, so they told us that they were “in the second drawer on the left in the boat kitchen”.
“We finally reached our destination,” Jessica’s mom said. Jessica and I slumped around for a little while until we heard a huge “BOOM”. The colorful lights made me so happy I screamed, “Happy 4th of July!”
It was a few minutes after 8:00. I admitted that I was a little sleepy. Jessica was about to admit the same thing when Jessica found me sleeping on the comfy, cotton couch. Jessica said to her parents, “Callula and I are getting sleepy,” so I felt the vibrations of the boat turning around to go to our hometown. As I slowly opened my crusty eyes, I realized that I had only slept for at most 10 minutes. So I found Jessica cuddling on her mother and father. Jessica suddenly said, “How was your 10 minute nap?
“Great,” I slowly replied back.
“We’re almost home,” Jessica’s dad said. When we got to the unsturdy docks, we sleepily walked off the ship. I felt like a zombie who hasn’t moved for years. On the car ride home, Jessica and I played a fair game of “Would You Rather”, but most of the silly questions were some of the oddest questions I had ever heard in my life!
When we got to the warm, heated house, I slipped off my waterproof shoes and raced Jessica up the rug stairs, but very sneakily, Jessica grabbed a deck of classic cards. Jessica showed me the thick deck of cards and said, “Let’s play some card games.”
So I said, “First, let’s get our PJ’s on, and then we can play cards.”
“Fine,” she answered, while pouting her face. I dug through my blue, messy duffle bag and found my PJs. My PJ’s had 20 gold stars on the rim of my navy blue pants, and my shirt had a winking moon that said, “Bon nuit”, which means good night in French. Jessica’s PJ’s weren’t as complicated. They were light pink cotton PJ’s with a young cartoon monkey with big eyes on the front smiling. Jessica was anxiously tapping her foot, waiting for me to realize that she wanted to play cards. After two long, hard hours of playing “Egyptian Rat Cage”, “Crazy Eights”, “Black Jack”, “Go Fish”, and a short game of “Poker”, sadly Jessica’s mom saw a dim light coming
from our room, so we had to go to bed. As I lay there……
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